As cold weather comes up and the sun goes farther down, it’s time for sleeping more, talking less, and over all going back into the shell that summer had just cracked. Winter, for me at least, is a time where I find myself alone often, and working extra hard to feel okay. So I thought I’d put together a list of everything I’ve found that makes me a little less lonely when I’m alone.Whether you’re alone by circumstance, choice, or force, here are some ways you can have a little more warmth in the grey months (or ever).
- Give this one a chance, I know you’re skipping over it. I don’t mean this in a convert way, I mean just go sit through a service. Talk or don’t, have some coffee, stare out the window and admire the stained glass. Preferably choose the most gay-friendly church around, take a deep breath, and spend a Sunday morning in a peaceful building being able to reflect. Or just have some quiet time. I hadn’t enjoyed going to church since I was eight, but last year my friend asked me to go to hers. While the message made no impression on me and I came out still feeling no God, the people changed me. They were so loving, so empathetic, so different from the world I’m afraid is around me. If you ever feel you don’t have a place to belong, remember you belong to the people, and there’s always people in a church.
- Bubbles, bath salts, trashy novel, and drugstore chocolate! Have a different mood depending on the weather: a rainy, windy day can easily be The Virgin Suicides-esque, and snowy but sunny days put you right in The Royal Tennebaums. Make the water so hot your skin turns red, light candles that melt into the tub, and play the Velvet Underground to give a real Chelsea Hotel feel.
- Alone!! Museums and libraries are basically the only places where it’s extra cool to be alone. Grab your journal, water colors, or just explore. Notice how you feel at each piece, which ones stand out, which ones make you uncomfortable, and more importantly, why?
- Make a ring of Dollar Tree candles, open your memory box, and wish. Read the old letters, write new ones, but also get over it!!!! Honestly I think the best thing that comes out of love spells is feeling better about yourself. The one good thing my mother ever taught me was “to never let anyone hold power over you.” Which would be funny if you knew her, but it’s important if you don’t.
- Write an autobiography but change everyone’s name and randomly lie
- I’m not going to tell you this isn’t Gossip Girl. I’m just going to say it’s so fun to lie. As long as it’s to yourself, on paper, and you can burn it or frame it or read it to yourself every night. Make yourself so much more interesting than you are. In my very real autobiography, I’m a poor starlet with a fantastic face, but no talent. None of that is true (except my fantastic face obviously), but also Starlet Bebe could’ve been so passionate, but suddenly uninspired (true). And maybe she stays by the sea funded by what her great aunt left her (I’m in my bedroom right now and pretty sure I don’t have a great aunt), because it’s the 50’s and that’s what you did if you were a woman and upset; you went to the sea.
- Fall just makes me so scared of change! The leaves drop as soon as they’re pretty, and it’s dark before you’re ready for it to be. But a way I like to hold on to the short season is to take it for myself. Leaf bouquets, leaf garlands, maybe even leaf crowns!! Like flower crowns but leaves, so it’s better. I’ve never actually done that but you totally should. And then send a picture in and I’ll publish all your leaf creations. Autumn is about the natural, but still unconventional. I’m planning to go no makeup, leaves in my hair this fall. Hope you’ll join me.
- Write a letter to your neighbors
- I would absolutely LOVE to say to keep them anonymous, mainly because my dream is to have a secret pen-pal, but I’m pretty sure that’s the quickest way to be a stalker and get a restraining order. Still, write! No one writes letters or talks to their neighbors anymore (at least I don’t), and even if they don’t even open your letters, at least you got your voice out. And if they do, you’re basically famous! Fill them with dried flowers, feathers, drawings, anything important to who you are. I think the best way to make a friend is to immediately be really vulnerable and intense. And who could be a better friend than your neighbor!
- This isn’t dumpster diving, I swear. This one might be kind of a stretch, but have you ever looked at the junk on the side of the road? Not just big things like furniture either, I mean like the garbage by the curb. You totally should. When I take walks I like to have a side mission of finding the most special piece of trash I can. Maybe one day I’ll find a diamond, or a love letter, or some magic rock that’s actually a portal. Who knows. So far I just have combs and some empty cigarette packs.